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26 October 2016 @ 05:41 pm
Today, I woke up feeling like I was in China.

Of course I've never been there and what I felt was really whatever I was dreaming about right before I woke up.

Dreams are so weird that way.
08 April 2016 @ 11:12 am
My mom told me that when I was just a toddler, my step-dad read both my brother's and my palms. He told my mom that she wouldn't have to worry about me because I was going to be fine. My brother, on the other hand, would stay with her for a while. I don't remember if my mom told me this when he was alive but I never asked him about it.

I have always wondered what he saw and how he was so sure. I guess I am fine and will probably be fine, but I was hoping for a little more than that.
04 April 2016 @ 03:07 pm
Some time last week, I had a dream where I was being shown around this random hotel's grounds. Somewhere outside, my step-dad was there. That didn't surprise me. My dad loved the outdoors.

I don't know what why the question popped up. In my dream, I was able to ask anything but I asked. "Why didn't you ever talk about Sikhism?"

In fact, I didn't know that what my step-dad had practice was even called Sikhism. I thought it was Singh because so many Sikhs have that in their names. I learned about it in college. My private Lutheran required I take an upper religion class but I didn't want to take any Christianity classes. Luckily a religion professor who was Sikh wanted to teach a class on it.

So many years later, I asked my dad in my dream. He told me that I hadn't learned enough to get an enlighten answer.

Is my dad telling me to learn more? I don't think there's anything in Sikhism that tells us dreams are important... or maybe I missed that part.
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
02 October 2015 @ 02:04 pm
I haven't been on this thing forever. I know I don't have many readers that care if I do or don't post and life just kinda happens too. So many things have happened since the last entry on here that it's funny to think back on.

Jon and I live together in a new apartment by ourselves and we're trying to save to buy a place. So a bit different than me constantly questioning our relationship before.

I don't know if we're actually gonna be able to buy our own place but we're saving as much as we can. Well, at the moment we're not saving just yet because Jon has bit of credit card debt that we need to get rid of first.

I have gotten very obsessed with trying to save money. Not too obsessed or else I'd be couponing, but I have looked for extra ways to make money. I have tried to look for small online jobs that I could do but sadly I'm not as qualified as I'd like to be. I am, though, proctoring tomorrow for the SAT at a local high school and probably at another place on a more regular basis.

Jon... comes up with these major ideas but they don't seem too realistic, but he is trying. He has put me in charge of money and doesn't make a purchase without telling me. This makes him think twice about everything.

So we're both trying.
03 February 2014 @ 10:56 am
I need a sign from somewhere that everything is going to be ok. That I am not going to be a failure. That I won't always be stuck.
09 January 2014 @ 12:04 pm
I had prayed to God or the universe that they didn't send anyone my way until I was OK with myself. I hadn't been OK with myself since probably before Jr high. I had watched desperate or insecure girls date and see themselves cling to guys just for the sake of not being alone. The universe delivered! The summer you met me, I was doing and feeling good. Sadly, that only lasted for a little while but you were still there and that made everything better. I know I need to get back to that summer feeling and I know I will eventually, maybe even in 2014, I just hope that you'll still be there to make things even better and maybe even do the same for you. I know you don't want me to make life choices based around you, but if I figure out what I really want, why can't I try to have you both if I see that it's possible? And that's what I'm going to aim for. I can only hope that you won't mind the wait.

Please wait for me.
10 August 2013 @ 11:00 pm
I wish I was happy with my life.
So, Vanessa flew me out to Arizona where I spent Thursday through Monday there. Well, I came back at night on Monday. We went to a spring training game, line dancing, hung out at her friends, and then went bar hopping on St. Patrick's Day on Mill Avenue. It was fun, but I am terribly exhausted and just want to sleep. I will probably not drink for a while.

I'm a little worried about Vanessa and the lifestyle she's leading. She drinks a lot. I don't know if it was because I was there and she wanted to have a good time with me that she made her drink more than usual. She usually tells me over the phone that she doesn't really drink that much but I'm starting to think she downplays her exploits. Something happened during that week that really caused concern for me. I don't ever want to talk about it but I think I might have to voice my concerns. I rather not say anything to her because who am I to judge? I understand that I live a different lifestyle than her, but when does her "different" lifestyle become "dangerous"?

I went to this luncheon at CLU with the company Dun & Bradstreet. I think it would be an amazing place to work at and I left my resume with them. It seems like they are really interesting in helping their interns learn and not just exploit them. I would love to work with them, but we'll see. They say they interview around 40 people and only pick around 7. However, I learn a bit or two about the importance of networking, so all in all, it was a very informational and very worth it.

Now I'm in hardcore job hunting mode. Someone hire me!
28 February 2013 @ 06:11 pm
There's a lot of studies going on that study the effect that Facebook has on people. It tends to make them more depressed. I know that on my behave it's true.

I see people lay out how wonderful their lives are how they have jobs, getting married, or having kids (that last part I'm not too envious about). I'm jobless, officially single and have no idea what my next step is. I've always had a plan. The people around me have always had a plan. I've completed my plan and don't have a next step. Everyone else seems to be going in the right direction here I am now having a direction to go to.

I keep trying to tell myself that I'm 22. It's okay that I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life, but when your former classmates all seem to be having success in their plans, you tend to lose faith a little. I'm pretty sure grad school is in my future. but I would like to work a little bit before I start getting into debt for that. Japan is too. Everyone who has ever met me knows that this has to be in my future.

Eventually everything will be okay, right? I just need to keep telling myself that.

P.S. I have to pee... I don't wanna get up...
Current Mood: morosemorose
21 February 2013 @ 04:14 pm
So Valentine's Day has come and past, but I feel like I should comment on what happened.

I got sick the day before we were suppose to move out of the apartment (my landlords didn't get their lease renewed and I decided to go ahead and follow them cause I didn't want to risk finding another crazy roommate).

A week passed and I was not getting better so I decided one morning to just go home. I woke at 7 and called my mom and told her I was going home. While I drove home my mom made an appointment with the doctor for that day. I was planning a maybe just staying for a day or maybe till I was better but...

That day happened to be February 13th. I didn't tell Jon that I had gone home till later that day. After inquiring about my health, he asked if I would be back for tomorrow, Valentine's Day. This caught me by surprise. I was sure he would forget about the holiday, but he remembered it! Well, at least he remembered the day before. I told him I would be back tomorrow and he informed me that he thought he could take me out to eat.

On the day, he picked me up and got me a dozen roses and a teddy bear. *^_^* We had agreed that we were just going out to eat and that I could sleep over the next night because he had videos to work on that night. Um, I guess during dinner he changed his mind. He dropped me off and I picked up my car from my place and went to his place.

I guess the thing that has made me pause was that he automatically assumed Valentine's Day plans and made an effort to plan them. Up until this point I thought we were gonna start drifting apart since I don't live in the same building and had accepted that he doesn't care for me. Now, I'm a jumbled up again.

Anyhow. Job search has started. I found this PERFECT paid internship that I did not get. It was a marketing internship in Japan for a translation company. I applied but I got a reply saying that I . At first I was very discouraged but then I realize that the internship must have been very soon and I am kinda hoping to earn money before I go. So I get a job (hopefully something in marketing), save as much money as I can, work on my Japanese, reapply later this year, GET IT, do the internship in Tokyo, then after I'm done stay and visit the rest of Japan. Sounds like a plan, no?

Ready? Set. Go!